Sep 032019


‘Sup guys. We’re ovaries deep in the EverQuest BAC Era. That stands for Bitch-Ass Cazic, the bitch ass who caused this mess and the bitch ass we have to go clean up in a few months. This expansion launch was a marathon, not a sprint. A motion-of-your-ocean, not the size of your boat expansion, if you will. This is also the first real gatekeeping expansion that wasn’t locked behind keys, but a book. Oh, that book. Did you know that the U.S. is ranked 16th overall in literacy? You can let that sink in.

Since this expansion took several weeks to beat due to book learnin’, I’ve been gathering the prime filets, the burnt-ends and the fat grease of our guild’s progress throughout this adventure. I’ve prepared you a delicious meal of amazing, average and below-average screenshots of our accomplishments and nonsense. I hope you’ve got your fat pants on.

First off, we are recruiting! If you or someone you love is feeling the itch to become part of the Family, head on over to our forums and apply! We are accepting all classes right now! If you are a returning player and are nervous about catching up, don’t be, Satoshi has made you a promise:


ALIENS. ALIENS. ALIENS! ALIENS THAT MAKE YOU READ? For those of us in favor of audiobooks, can I just collectively speak for the group and say fuck this expansion? Being locked behind language for spells and progression, not to mention the infamous book-clicks made this one hell of a slow expansion launch. We did it, though. We are strong, fluffy puppies who can’t be held back.

First and foremost, I’d like to extend a shout out to DKP Master Froogle for all of his hard work. You are a rock star! In addition to that, our raid leaders Rasputyn, Nokkard and Sampsonite (not you Satoshi, you know what you did) for hitting the abacus with their monk maths and keeping all of us 10-second Tom’s in line.

We started off strong on Launch Night 1; we destroyed Argath. That’s it. That’s all we were allowed to do for the first raid. Staring at that 66% on the Book, 20 minutes into official raid times, we came to the realization that we would have to wait 5 whole days before busting into T2. We kept ourselves busy, though. Our bards disrupted the server, everyone got to 95 except our resident Handjob Princess (see below) and it gave us plenty of time to DECORATE!

I have a lot of jobs here at the OGC. Mediocre raid leader who yells too much, updating the front page with average memes and I am also our official Grand Guild Hall decorator. I’d love to give you guys a preview of my abilities to turn anything from shanty to chic!

(Shanty, the entrance)

(Chic, Satoshi’s Office)

As you can see, Satoshi went from shanty to chic instantly! He’s awaiting his interview here.

On Launch Day 6, we beat Argath down again leveled our Books and we were able to venture into Valley and Sarith. Loot pinatas, folks. Not even worth a screenshot, if I’m being honest. I took a few anyway. An hour into official raid times, we were done again.

(Valley, tower defense boss dying)

(Sarith, punching sharks and aliens in the face)

(Sarith, Prexus celebrating with us!)

During our 5 day downtime, our Knights got a little stir crazy. Heavy on the crazy.

Launch Day 11, we were finally able to break into t3. Rubak, Beasts’ Domain and Resplendent Temple knocked out easily.

(Rubak, solid 1 shot)

Unfortunately we weren’t able to go directly from T3 to T4, and we had to wait ANOTHER 5 days. It was at this point we realized that the old raids do, in fact, give book progression. Thanks for letting us know, DBG. ‘preciate you.

One other great thing we have now is Empowered Banners! We felt like this was a great way to practice multiculturalism in our guild and let people who are so used to one way of life experience it through the ultravision of another. Terrorem, our resident old white guyTM, is starting to come around!

On Launch Day 16, we were finally able to bust into T4! City of Bronze was a breeze, Windsong Sanctuary was one note and Pillars, well.. Let’s just say we had some creative differences in Pillars that lead to a few more attempts than necessary.

It took us a few probes, but Pillars got knocked out and we went straight into Sepulcher! We crushed Events 1, 2 and 3 and took the rest of the evening off. We came back strong two days later and defeated Event 4 and 5.

What can I say about Event 5? Buggy? Sure. Tedious? Definitely. Satisfying to kill in an hour? 100%.

We arrived at The Triunity’s door and were met with several of our favorite Norrathian Gods.

The way they were talking about how scary Triunity would be, we were expecting something along the lines of this:

However, once it was all said and done, it was more like this:

We approached,

We killed.

Congratulations and a huge thank you to everyone here at the OGC! Veil of Alaris on Fippy was a long, hard road. As a Fippy refugee, I can say I am extremely impressed and happy with our pace and progress in VoA and I’m excited to see how quickly we destroy Rain of Fear!

Other notable things that happened:

Congratulations to Ryme for being the first to 95, once again!

Congratulations to Barudin and his crew for being the first to 100 Alaran in the guild, may everyone weep at your feet!

Congratulations to Satoshi for starting something he’ll never finish!

Congratulations to Oakenblade for declaring himself the Handjob Princess?

Congratulations to Froogle and Duprix for taking their relationship to the next level!

Now enjoy our caffeine-addled guild members.

Until next time,

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